Maybe....

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10 Things I Find Overrated About You.

If I were speaking directly to 2007, I would have quite an oral presentation. Less a diatribe, since most of this year ranks as spectacular. I mean, forget about this decade alone--few other years in my lifetime can compare to the extreme amounts of awesome this contains.

With that in mind, there are of course several items being ridiculously touted as the finest components to this year's contributions, while they are far from it. Whether it be a completely misinterpreted take on a classic Broadway fixture to a performance that aimed to be good, but failed due to a few false notes.

Now, there are several films that are amazing, if overrated. One is The Diving Bell and the Butterfly--which, in all honesty, simply requires another viewing to appreciate it. It's a terrific film that just falls a little short on impact. Another (and get your maces and slingshots ready) is No Country for Old Men. I LOVED the ending, it was brilliant. I just find it as a whole to be inferior to, at the very least, There Will Be Blood and Atonement (and yes, I am pulling for an upset). But it is also fantastic, receives a high grade, and would be unfair to be included in my main post. However, The Coens were close runner-ups...because they're stealing PTA's thunder *shakes fist*.

But without further ado, here is the list:


10. Aaron Sorkin, Charlie Wilson's War: He might've been higher, had he not been so righteously snubbed at all of the awards that matter (I love you, WGA and AMPAS). But this man crafted one of the year's biggest misfires and it deserves to be scolded. Never mind Julia Roberts, who simply ends up on this year's dishonorable mention lineup. Never mind Tom Hanks, who was...all right. Never mind Mike Nichols's nonexistent direction. It's Sorkin's complete inability to comprehend true situations that lands him a spot here. Dude...if you wanna write movies, you have to learn how to FORMAT MOVIES. Leave the sitcom behind, douche bag. I felt like I was watching some cross between The West Wing and According to Jim. What a nightmare. Most instances fell flat, with the exception of a brief few (much props to Emily Blunt). But the dialogue, the scenarios, the feeling of nothing happening within those excruciating two hours...thanks for the cinematic sedative.


9. Ronald Harwood, The Diving Bell and the Butterfly: I felt the need to select something here...and it was really the plodding script that dragged this film on. There were many fine (hell, AMAZING) moments...but the lingering feeling that it was taking too long to reach a climax, which never really materialized. Still, that was one of the most difficult adaptations, so his nomination is warranted. Doesn't make my personal lineup, but it's less something to gripe about and more something to be included objectively. (Note: If I were to show you a lineup, Harwood would be at least 8 higher than Sorkin--who would be at the bottom.)


8. Javier Bardem, No Country for Old Men: Despite the fact that it's one of the most acclaimed performances of the year, it still makes the list. As great as he was (and Bardem himself is worthy of owning an Oscar), it's a performance that really didn't strike me as anything incredible. I hate when people use this argument to substantiate their opinions, but it's a performance I felt several other capable actors could've pulled off easily. Why is it being championed so much? I think it has more to do with the actual character than the portrayal. There were several great supporting actors this year, and I feel they tower over him...that being said, him winning the Oscar this year doesn't bother me one bit.


7. Sweeney Todd: The Demon Barber of Fleet Street: While a film that I enjoyed, it is no doubt a flawed film. For OBers and film fanatics alike, who are generally so critical on movies and their components, how they can overlook the abundance of problems with ST:TDBOFS is beyond me. Tim Burton's direction is excellent, but the screenplay by John Logan is lacking on many fronts. And you can't find a film like this perfect when the singing is so ridiculously lackluster. Don't even get me started on the film's star--because the BEST thing about this movie is Helena Bonham Carter. And it is, without a doubt, a pure tragedy that she is not nominated (also, for the record, Ed Sanders was exceptional). But HBC, oh what could've been. She must have vennnnnnnngeance....


6. Jennifer Garner, Juno: Now before you harp on me, I did find her to be very good. What I also found her to be was inconsistent. There's nothing all that special to me about her and her so-called snub seems perfectly just. She was solid up until the mall scene, in which I felt she was in over her head. Her line delivery was flat and although she tried, she missed the mark. A better scene was yet to come back at the house, but by this point, what more can be said? She belongs here. If anyone deserved attention in a supporting role from this movie, it would be Allison Janney. Her characterization was great, but her line delivery was impeccable and superior to the rest of the supporting cast (save J.K. Simmons, whom was on par w/ her and also brilliant).


5. Philip Seymour Hoffman, Charlie Wilson's War: I LOVED him in The Savages...but I couldn't stand him here. He was doing another riff on the smarmy, schlubby, deadpan asshole that he always plays. Was he good in the role? Sure, he definitely put effort in...but it just seemed like a cliche. Nothing was revelatory AT ALL--which, naturally, is Sorkin's fault. Things his character did just didn't seem particularly natural...and therein lies the problem. But the nomination is acceptable, for at least his work in Savages, which rightfully received a Golden Globe and ISA nomination, can be attributed to this nod as well. But the only gem in this forsaken film is Amy Adams, plain and simple--because she's the only one with any heart and soul.


4. Sean Penn, Into the Wild: Had his direction not rightfully been panned by several people, he might have landed at the top of this list of dubious honors. Nonetheless, his DGA and WGA nom are beyond preposterous. The screenplay is average, and has its shining moments. But the direction is the real source of agony here. What convoluted, shallow tripe! It was such shoddy and plodding nonsense from start to finish. LOOKING AT THE CAMERA? Realllllllllly, Sean?? Nice job, dingleberry. His glorification of Christopher McCandless, the failure to focus on more of the elements of his surrounding nature as opposed to the actors...ugh, I just can't go on.


3. Angelina Jolie, A Mighty Heart: Even though I wouldn't nominate her, I liked her in the film...up until those final 15 Oscar-begging minutes. Sorry, my dear, but your hyena orgasms did not fool the Academy. You may have scored at the Guild, but mwahahah. Part of this could be blamed on Michael Winterbottom (her performance is ineffectual enough due to her just disappearing for a half hour in the middle of the film), but the larger part is her misguided portrayal. She was great when she was subtle and controlled...then, she veered into histrionics--unbelievable ones, to boot. Plus, the age old question remains: Where the fuck were all the talented BLACK actresses, huh?!


2. Johnny Depp, Sweeney Todd: The Demon Barber of Fleet Street: Most of you who know me have heard me harp about this pathetic portrayal of Benjamin Barker. But for those of you who don't, this will be educational. After Depp missed the SAG and BAFTA, I thought for sure, AMPAS would be as smart...not so much. It wasn't enough to nominate Cate Blanchett for [insert winning title of poll here]...especially over Bonham Carter, Adams, Nicole Kidman--hell, even Jolie! Oh, no...they have to recognize this bloated, futile attempt at acting. Depp, do you even TRY anymore? Stop playing every role like...well, you. The world is not your variety show. I won't even mention the singing (clearly, the suckitude of that is implied), because there are more important matters at hand. For one, the role of Sweeney Todd requires more visible rage and emotion...and he registered lethargy. The same, vacant expression of constipation was stagnant through 80% of the film. But perhaps the most vital misstep...was trying to reach today's audience...by portraying Sweeney...as an emo sadsack. As Helene McCready (Amy Ryan) would say: FAAAAACK YOOOOOO, CUNT. So props, Depp, on scoring another unremarkable nomination...and stealing the spot that Ryan Gosling and James McAvoy should've had.

And last....

But certainly...well, definitely...least....

I present to you....

My #1:


1. Into the Wild: Oh, my Lord, what a MESS of what was once a promising picture idea. Obviously, there's little doubt here that all blame is directed towards Sean Penn and his absence of skills behind the camera. There are too many ridiculous things to count here--but I will make a hearty attempt: the clichéd flashing lights on the highway...along with the imposed head of Emile Hirsch; the structure of the story; the pretentious narration (made bearable by Jena Malone), a vapid effort to shove Penn's worship of Alexander Supertramp down our throats; the disbelief following the Kristen Stewart portion; the pointless camera-lingering on the nudist camp (no Sean, you can't bone them); the way Hirsch is made to bear resemblance to a grizzled Penn, a clear sign that this is the part he wishes he was young enough to play; the aforementioned staring into the camera; the idolatry heaped upon Hirsch; Hirsch's line-reading, which extracted potency from his otherwise fine acting...I mean, the list goes on and on. The problems surmount. The film haunts me...with how overlong and tediously boring (as in every other segment, ESPECIALLY Vince Vaughn's) it could be...and for this, I have to say, it was one of the wisest snubs in Oscar history.

It is worth nothing though that Catherine Keener is very good and her SAG nod was basically deserved. But the real gem, and saving grace, is Hal Holbrook. Both heart-tugging and extraordinary, this transcends "fine veteran acting" to stake a claim as one of the finest portraits of the year. And an upset by him, however unlikely (though the most likely TO upset, that's for sure) would tickle me merry for weeks to come.

So, how much does this make you hate me? Or what about this list do you absolutely lurve? I'd like to hear it all!

Theme On.

So according to web reports, for the first time, the Top 24 will be working with a theme. Isn't that amazing? I don't know. But the theme is...

THE 1960s!!!!

What is so special about this, you wonder?

This is fantastic news for Amanda Overmyer, my favorite lady in the competition, who can rock out to some Janis, Doors, Hendrix, CCR, or whatever the hell else she feels like.

I've also heard buzz that Danny Noriega has something kick-ass in store that will let him stand-out...I just hope in the right ways, if you catch my drift....

I only worry that certain contestants' individual personalities will not emerge. How do you all feel about this?

American Idol - Top 24: I Love You; Stop Trying To Touch Me.

Well, this was my first year even remotely paying attention to the Auditions and Hollywood Weeks. But I gotta say I'm rather tickled pink by these outcomes. Pretty much anyone and everyone I gave two shits about made it through. Now that's astonishing for me, since So You Think You Can Dance cut half of my early loves.

But this year seems promising for American Idol. I'm terribly curious to see who rises and falls from their auditions...although some I find terribly overrated already.

Now, as for Josiah Leming...I feel empathy for his struggles, but I believe they made the right decision omitting him. His vocals were completely ingratiating; they often bordered on intolerable. I like him and find him interesting, but the competition would crush his soul. He's MUCH better suited to be picked up by an independent producer. I was much sadder to see Angela Martin go, after all she's been through. But I hope she tries out again.

Cardin McKinney and Kyle Ensley are your annual come-so-close people. They were the #13s in theory, or 25/26. Cardin is a sweetheart with a nice voice and I can see her doing some things in her future. Kyle is young and very talented. I am appalled that they didn't let him through, but I think they feared of having another Kevin Covais or Sanjaya Malakar on their hands. Still, I'd trade random generic bitch and forgettable asshole for those two (i.e. Not Sandy Mangina or Chicken Little) any day.

But without further ado, here is a rundown of your Top 24 (in the order that I care):

GIRLS:


Amanda Overmyer: I sense something awesome about her. She's got a beyond awesome personality and also lots of heart (she's a respiratory therapist who visits the elderly--and has been dubbed the "Rock'n'Roll Nurse"). But even aside from that, she's one magnificent performer. (And it's also worth nothing that she was involved in an automobile accident merely a week before the Hollywood rounds, so she overcame a lot.) Her renditions of classic rock are authentic and real, as opposed to cheesy Cold Stone imitations. She's fast becoming my favorite lady sheerly for having the entire package. She already rocks my world and I cannot wait to see her next week.


Asia'H Eppherson: Despite having been "pimped-out", per se, with her personal tragedies exploited by overseas cockspit Nigel Lythgoe, she is quite brilliant underneath it all. Yes, we should all feel bad about her loss (her dad sadly passed prior to her auditioning), but we should be more thrilled that she doesn't continue to wallow in it for personal gain on national television. Because if you choose to peel off the sap, she is a fantastic singer. Her speaking voice is adorable and raspy, but her vocals pack a wallop of power--and that's why I like her. And I anticipate her performance next week very much.


Syesha Mercato: This girl has overcome numerous obstacles in her trek to a Top 24 placement. For one, she lost her grandfather 2 days before her Hollywood tryouts. But on top of THAT, she caught the flu during this same week and was losing her voice! They showed clips of her writing on note cards how she can't talk because she must save her voice. But despite it all, she turned in on stupendous performance and sailed on through. Back story aside, I still love her, because she is just so incredibly talented. And I wanna see her go far this season.


Brooke White: There is something fetching and appealing about this singing nanny. She's just someone you want to root for, because she's so honest and true to herself. I mean, the woman has never seen an 'R' rated movie, just by having a strong will. Wow. But aside from her sincere personality, she also possesses a beautiful, soulful voice. She's very hip, contemporary, and sweet, and a joy to witness on the stage. Needless to say, I'm looking forward to seeing her climb her way up.


Ramiele Malubay: This little Asian plushie is both adorable and clandestine. She seems all meek and cute on the outside, but get her to sing, and she really belts it out. I see some love coming her way, possibly from me. She's got an incredible vocal ability and could do wonders on the show. Naturally though, the bubbly Asian angle is a plus as well.


Alexandrea Lushington: She reminds me of my favorite Idol contestant ever, Melinda Doolittle, probably because she sang "My Funny Valentine". But while she didn't top my MindyDoo, she managed to do a fantastic job with it nonetheless. She has a beautiful and silky smooth voice, which made her audition all the more brilliant. She could easily be overshadowed, but I can see her stepping up to the plate.


Carly Smithson: She has an incredible voice, no doubt, and she's certainly one to look out for. But there's just something irritating about her...I dunno if it's the rumors of her being a mondo-cunt during Hollywood Week or the fact that she's previously had a recording contract (not to mention a video of her flop single, complete with excessive hair-blowing via industrial fan and cheesy pop sets), but if she at least delivers consistent performances, she could be worth watching...or she'll just be this year's Idol villain, as Rickey.org feels. She's certainly pimped beyond belief, making her trek to the Top 12 seem inevitable...which irks me.


Kristy Lee Cook: Turns out she didn't REALLY sell one of her horses to get to her audition. AI probably just paid her to say that. She does sing "Amazing Grace" beautifully, but so far, it's all she's excelled on. (I'm sure a fallback plan includes singing it in 3 different languages for the semifinals. Ah, the hilarious possibilities.) However, she's likable and gorgeous, so I dunno. I do think it's hilarious how IMDb has her linked to a pornstar of Asian fetish films though.


Kady Malloy: She does vocal impressions masterfully, but will that carry her through or not? It's possible, since her own voice is definitely lovely and special on its own. But she might slip through the cracks. Hard to say...oh, and one other thing: Is anyone else disturbed by the fact that Kristy and Kady appear to be identical twins?!


Amy Davis: She has a nice audition and a promising voice. She also has a lovely personality that slightly rises above "generic white chica" and a modest background. If she delivers on her potential, who knows. She might get a couple votes for her rack, too. I like her though--and her abstinence. Teehee...Abstinence Amy.


Joanne Borgella: As much as I adore plus-size models and support equal opportunity (I despise it when the skinny bitches get more attention--IF the larger ones aren't more deserving), this girl's pipes are a little lackluster. She can hit the high notes tonally, but her pitch is far too screechy and in the nasal register. We shall see....


Alaina Whitaker: AI didn't even show you in a flashby clip...you should sue, girl. 'Cause I mean...Whoooooooooooo are you? Who who, who who? I realllllllllly...don't give a twat.

BOYS:


David Archuleto: This kid amazes me. He's a breath of fresh air--a completely pure and captivating teenage singer void of any ego whatsoever. And what's more spectacular is that he suffered vocal paralysis a few years back, shortly after his time on Star Search (which is perhaps the source of blame). And much like Jordin Sparks last year, perhaps this will capture the attention of more dedicated voters. His vocals are beautiful, natural, and never overbearing (And a possible king gay in a sea of gays this season?...). He's just a pure joy to watch (with a smile that cute, c'mon) and hear. I'm thrilled to be one of the "Arch Angels" (The nickname for his fans--get it? Yeah, you should.) and am squirming until next week.


Danny Noriega: You wouldn't think it at first glance, but he has an amazingly captivating voice. It's very smooth and chilling. For a skinny teenager, he sure can belt it. Not only that though, but he's got arguably one of the best personalities of the contestants. He's very open and honest about who he is and I feel that he will be a very positive role model for the gay community, who are sure to be an ardent fan base (and this I can surely attest to). I can't wait to see him perform for the voters. VoteForTheWorst.com is even digging Danny (which if it gets him more votes, I don't mind), but are saying right now it's less to do with his singing (which they find to be splendid), but more to do with him embracing the campiness of AI. Whatever way you look at it, he's mesmerizing and one to really root for.


Michael Lee Johns: Although he's Australian, he's an American citizen, thus permitting him to enter this competition--and I, for one, am glad he did. He is sensational. He puts his all into each and every one of his performances. His sexy factor certainly contributes, but does not bias me in any way. I'd clearly tap a bad singer while criticizing them, Simon Cowell-style. But all joking aside, he's one of my favorite males up to this point And I look forward to seeing what he will deliver this week. Some accuse him of going over-the-top, but as of now, I dig him.


David Cook: I think he's fantastic and feel that, as far as rockers go, I'll definitely prefer him over that douchecock Chris Daughtry (seriously, your life is great, so take the plunger out of your arse already and lose the constipated look--it's not flattering). In fact, let's call him the Anti-Daughtry! He's got a nice, crisp voice and an appealing demeanor that I think will benefit him well. My only hope is that he fine-tunes his vocals a bit, for the fear that Simon might tear him a new one easily. But he indubitably stands above most of the rest of the males. Can't wait to see what he does.


Chikeze Eze: He's pleasant to listen to and has got a fun personality (although perhaps the cockiness WASN'T sarcasm). He could definitely deliver some interesting performances...and to be frank, at least one black guy always gets to the Top 12 (shut up, you know Elliott Yamin is an inner chocolate daddy). I just worry that maybe he won't shine and one of this other random guys will break on through--which they may be deserving of, but we just wouldn't know, now would we...?


David Hernandez: While my lust wants to rank him higher, I must remain objective. He's got potential to be fun and entertaining, but he's just so generic, vocally. That seems to be a trend with the Latinos/-as. Some are stellar, but some are more for show. And while it's good to be an engaging stage presence, this IS about finding the best vocal recording artist. Still, he could deliver and seems like a sure thing as far as the guys go. He just needs to strengthen his pitch and quit that grunting...that...sexy....


Robbie Carrico: Anyway, then there's this guy: a former boy-bander (that about 8 listeners of Radio Disney bothered with) and ex-boyfriend of America's favorite train wreck, Britney Spears. But don't let that influence your decision--he's actually quite talented. His audition was impeccable and he gives me a Bucky Covington vibe (only not quite as sweet-natured, of course). He could certainly make it up there if he chooses the right songs.


Colton Berry: I won't let my resent for him beating out Kyle cloud my judgment. He seems like a nice guy and, if my gaydar is in tact, yet another sparkle in our Idol rainbow. Don't let the albino Macaulay Culkin look distract you...although his vocals do leave something to be desired. Still, he might have something in store. He just canNOT afford to play it safe like he did with his auditions.


Luke Menard: The following guys, including Luke, will be ranked purely by their hottness factor--because frankly, we have nothing else to go on. And in that department, he definitely delivers. He could be a sultry crooner...or a pretty rockstar. Who the hell knows. The indubitable fact of the matter is: he's easy on the eyes.


Jason Yeager: What is he now, Sparkle #4? Perhaps...tough, tough call. Not much else to say, except that watching his reaction to his induction into the Top 24 left me feeling elated--he was such an exuberant recipient of this information. He could be a potential surprise...even though he IS a Jesus freak. I'mma send Elaine to go steal his Jesusfish. But the lack of airtime for these last four guys is peculiar, to say the least....


Jason Castro: Okay, dude...what is with the dreadlocks? It reminds me of that Play-Doh meat grinder I had as a child and how I ruined all my colors, because I mixed them all together and wound up with clay shitburgers. Yo, Miss Cleo called, and she wants her pubes back.


Garrett Haley: And then there's him. We didn't even get to hear this androgynous tool speak. He looks like one of those Playgirl models from the '80s...ya know, the ones you flip past because you're just terribly confused? Oy gevalt!

Well, there you have it, ladies and gents--the Top 24. What a mixed bag of juicy and moldy. But at least it's only 2 days away...and 3 days to find out who's pimpage worked and which unsung candidates will sail on. Oh, how I just wish...that Alexis Cohen were a part of this motley crew. Now THAT would be entertainment worth my time.

And now, I am off to scour the web for spoilers of song choices. Avast!

"Fuck the Oscars", as Maggie Smith would say.

No Ryan Gosling? No Amy Adams? No James McAvoy? No Helena Bonham Carter? The list goes on (see below), and my fury continues. Expands. Ferments. Combusts.

I tell you, these are all inexcusable snubs. Damn you, AMPAS, and your faux-indie embracing but ultimate denial to acknowledge subtler, more complex roles.

Gosling delivered a heartfelt and stupendous performance in Lars and the Real Girl, my favorite film of the year. And in my opinion, he's also the best actor of the year! (I won't even get into the overlooked Emily Mortimer and Kelli Garner, although at least Nancy Oliver's screenplay was recognized.)

Adams was magnificent in her Enchanted portrayal. Leave it to the Academy to overlook that. But at least Alan Menken's songs were acknowledged.

McAvoy had Atonement power...and yet they failed to honor his brilliance.

Bonham Carter completely stole the show away from her Sweeney Todd: The Demon Barber of Fleet Street co-star...and look who they nominate instead.

Molly Shannon also never got the buzz she deserved for Year of the Dog. How she didn't even collect an Indie Spirit nod baffles me.

Nor did Billy Crudup for Dedication. He was overlooked even by the Independent Spirit Awards, which absolutely astounds me.

Or Marketa Irglova for Once. No Spirit nod?

Nothing for Patrick Fugit for Wristcutters: A Love Story either. Should've at least gotten a Spirit nod.

Nicole Kidman may have an Oscar, but she was terribly overlooked in Margot at the Wedding (and now I finally understand what's so great about her).

Casey Affleck received one Academy Award nomination this year, but he also deserved more attention for Gone Baby Gone.

But whatever. My own awards are better. And you will see them soon--in addition to the CAFE committee's orgasmic lineups, which are far superior to anything "professional" churned out this year.

The end.

Women Screenwriters on the Verge of a Nervous Breakthrough.

2007. We thought it was heading for suckage. We expected things to get crappy (see: Threequels), then crappier (see: overflow of pretentious war dramas [Next post!]), and finally reach its crappiest (see: The Bucket List).

Then came the vaginas.

Yes, I believe that we owe much of the reason for this year's infusion of rich, multilayered dramedic entertainment to the female population. They came, they saw, they conquered. They refused to be stuck scribing estrogen-laden rom-com fluff (Hell, P.S. I Love You was written by a man. A MAN!...More on that later.), opting instead for examining pathos, neuroses, humor, heartache, and so much more. And above all that, they helped to create some of the year's most truly unique and eccentric characters, providing great inspiration that transformed into some of the year's most heralded performances. Ah, yes...this is clearly a good year for the ladies. So let's take a look.

*Sarah Polley: This fantastic actress ventured into new territory with her directorial and writing debut, Away from Her, about a woman dealing with Alzheimer's and the effect it has on her husband. After it generated massive buzz for its star, Julie Christie, at TIFF, it became highly anticipated. Upon its debut, it was met with generally favorable reviews. Now, here we are in December, and Christie is dominating the crix awards thus far, only threatened by major competitor Marion Cotillard (of La Vie en Rose), who snagged 2 accolades, leaving the rest for Christie. (It's worth mentioning that both are frontrunners in the Best Actress race.) But Polley has not been shafted in any way, having received her own prizes for Best Adapted Screenplay and Best Debut Director. And this is just the beginning....

*Adrienne Shelly: The most positive thing to emerge from her tragic murder last November is the wonderful impact she's made on the indie film scene. Awards, scholarships, and foundations are being established under her name. Her husband has created a charity. But best of all, her final film, Waitress, was a critically-adored hit. Initially receiving mass acclaim at Sundance, it is a jubilant crowd pleaser. Its star, Keri Russell, has been mentioned as one of the dark horse Actress contenders, and co-star Andy Griffith was said by many to be worthy of a Supporting Actor mention. While those look unlikely, there is hope to be found elsewhere: Best Original Screenplay. It's a wide-open category, where nearly any movie can score recognition. But the DVD campaign (one of the first this year) and the ISA nod for Shelly keep it above the radar. The script is truly wonderful, with some terrific lines (assisted by amazing delivery via the cast) and Shelly has an additional chance in the Best Original Song category, having wrote a tune for the film. She, even posthumously, deserves one final hurrah.

*Nancy Oliver: Well, it's safe to say that few anticipated the charming little surprise that was my favorite film thus far this year: Lars and the Real Girl. This endearing and offbeat charmer led to speculation of a potential flop, but instead managed to be a joyous and crowd-pleasing film, beginning at TIFF (where it received several 4-star reviews and standing ovations). But it shouldn't have been such a stunner, seeing as how Oliver is a Six Feet Under alum. Her screenplay is the perfect blend of contrasting moods, with something often difficult to achieve: heartwarming hilarity. So it's quite pleasing that she won (in a tie with the a certain former lap dancer) the NBR for her work and is emerging as a major contender for Best Original Screenplay. But let's not neglect giving credit where credit's due, for this film is aided by a stellar cast, including Ryan Gosling in one gem of a performance. He's absolutely magnificent as the titular Lars and has been receiving his own fare share of attention, including four nominations thus far: Golden Satellite (note: Emily Mortimer received one as well), CFCA, BFCA, and the Golden Globes. Gosling managed to win the Satellite and now has scored a SAG nod! Most surprising is his recognition at the BFCA, which generally nominates the majority of the Oscar nominees for any respective year. So his inclusion leads us to consider him as a dark horse possibility for Best Actor (hey, every year has its out-of-nowhere nominees). Quite an achievement for such an odd little film indeed.

*Tamara Jenkins: A brilliant writer/director who helmed one of my favorite little films, the sardonic Slums of Beverly Hills, returns almost a decade later with the complex dramedy The Savages. This received massive praise at Sundance, earning Jenkins instant Oscar buzz, in addition to the members of the cast (Laura Linney, Philip Seymour Hoffman, and Philip Bosco). The momentum for her has only improved with her two wins, to date, for her screenplay. She's a prime contender for a Best Original Screenplay nomination as well. But let's not forget about the actors/actress. Hoffman received a Globe nod, Bosco has gotten raves, and Linney has been lauded for giving one of the greatest performances of her career. She's high on many minds for a Best Actress nomination, and although she hit a speed bump, many say she's still a dark horse threat. Either way though, this still remains my most anticipated film of the year (God, that trailer gives me chills...).

*Diablo Cody: Indubitably this year's most talked-about lady scribe, this ex-good time girl-turned-screenwriter has made one hell of a debut with Juno. Since it premiered at TIFF, it was instantly adored and generated massive buzz--which has managed to carry on throughout the year. Ellen Page became a major star this year and the supporting cast were acknowledged for their brilliant contributions as well. Still, it's Page that's headed for Oscar nomination glory. Cody, on the other hand, is gunning straight for the win. The Best Picture buzz hasn't quite developed like it should, though it still can surprise. It is by NO means a lock though.

As a matter of fact, this is also a sign of hope for some femdom in this penis-ridden industry. Thanks to the support from critics and the WGA, it is looking likely that at least three ladies (if not, definitely two) will score nominations come that fateful Tuesday morning. Now here's something new to discuss in a revival of The Vagina Monologues.

Apologies and Old News.

Sorry that my personal life has consumed the fun of blogging right out of my soul. But I feel that I truly miss this. I need this. Therefore, I am back.

Fail-Safe Failure.

Is it just me, or is it beyond hilarious how much people overestimate certain films? I get a real kick out of watching people shame themselves when insisting they're awards predictions are absolutely flawless. Because, you know...it Meryl Streep is involved, there's no way it could suck...right?

Well, Rendition and Evening beg to differ, for starters. And just wait until Lions for Lambs is released!

Of course, this all stems from misguided mindsets. Unless you've learned how the system really works, you're bound to think big names and previous Oscar winners are guaranteed nods. It's a shame really, for people to think like that, because it proves how inhibited they really are.

You can't be afraid to look into the future at what will have the critics' support, the HFPA's support, and the guilds' support. That's what ultimately determines who are the best, not the starpower and box-office potential.

But people still refuse, which just causes endless entertainment when you see people, at this point, still predicting Cate Blanchett for Elizabeth: The Golden Age, which is being panned at every turn. And then there's Reese Witherspoon for the aforementioned Rendition. Yeah, right.

Pushing that sliver of plausibility over the edge is the ridiculous assumption that Tom Cruise has a chance for Lions for Lambs. In a preposterously conceived and preachy piece of contrived propoganda like that (I've gazed through the script, you see.), Robert Redford would be lucky to score a nom. From the BFCA.

And don't even get me started on Brad Pitt in The Assassination of Jesse James by the Coward Robert Ford.

I could go on, but this is wearing me out.

Slothland Tales.

Man, am I behind. Major updations are in order.

To start things off: I updated my predictions on the sidebar and will be covering them by category as the month progresses.

Go ahead, take a peek, and tell me what you think!

Also, here's what I've seen since my last entry:

Death at a Funeral
Dedication
Once
Rescue Dawn
3:10 to Yuma

Okay, off to shower. Be back soon!

Back to the Blogger.

Well, I have returned from my almost-neverending sabbatical in Connecticut (which, I must say, I'd have been fine if it never did), and am back in New Jersey, with more time to devote to keeping an eye on things. I have received my annual favorite issue of Entertainment Weekly: The Fall Movie Preview! Gotta say though...not as excited as I should be. Most of this year's projects leave me feeling pretty bleak. But I'll cover that in my next post.

Right now, I'd like to review all the (few) films I've seen this year, so far. Those would be:

Disturbia
Knocked-Up
La Vie En Rose
A Mighty Heart
No Reservations
Superbad
Waitress

Yeah, I know. I'm behind.

However, Matt and I are supposed to have a quadruple-feature one upcoming weekend in Manhattan, so I'll probably PR-pack a nice set into one day, as if it were an intangible Mexican immigration vehicle.

Also, don't forget the Emmys are near!...Although I find it hard to care much =]. Still, I need to make official predictions soon. But hey, there's still plenty of time...all the time in the world.

Rescue Blog.

I am very disappointed at the lack of bloggerness in my life. Quite emo, actually. But fortunately, I am at my new home-away-from-home (And perhaps soon, my new home?) in Connecticut, which should allow me to grace you with the orgasmic, seismic blog entries once promised long ago.

First order of business: Discuss the 2007 movies I've seen to date. Due to financial issues, I've forgone seeing many until DVD, but I managed to catch several flicks, most of the Oscar-potential variety.

Second order of business: The Primetime Emmy Nominations. In some ways, much less blasphemous than usual. In other ways, a complete travesty, disregarding high caliber godliness for guilty pleasure shlock. More on that later.

Third order of business: Trailers and what hints they can divulge.

Fourth order of business: How I've been ensnared by reality TV.

So, with all that in mind, I think it's high time I get the ball rolling, don't you? The entry below this one will actually be a pre-written, but not published, entry containing my final Emmy nominations, after learning of a few Top 10s (because each category was narrowed down by a popular vote before experimenting with the new system).

A tout a l'heure!

Emmy Day Now....

The time for revealing the ever-useless Primetime Emmy nominations is nearing. And naturally, I am preparing for the worst but predicting for the best. Now, several categories have been narrowed down to a top 10, excluding some extremely worthy candidates like the shmucks that they are. (House's Lisa Edelstein and The Shield's Walter Goggins were among those teabagged.)

However, the fact that such beloved fan favorites like The Office's Jenna Fischer and How I Met Your Mother's Neil Patrick Harris ACTUALLY made the cut is more promising than Paris Hilton's incarceration.

So, as opposed to rambling on about who/what COULD make the cut, let's jump right in to who/what I think WILL make these oft-chided lists. And the nominees might be...:

OUTSTANDING COMEDY SERIES
1) The Office (NBC)
2) 30 Rock (NBC)
3) Ugly Betty (ABC)
4) Scrubs (NBC)
5) My Name Is Earl (NBC)

Alternates:
6) Entourage (HBO)
7) Weeds (SHO)
8) Two and a Half Men (CBS)

OUTSTANDING LEAD ACTRESS IN A COMEDY SERIES
1) America Ferrera, Ugly Betty
2) Julia Louis-Dreyfus, The New Adventures of Old Christine
3) Tina Fey, 30 Rock
4) Leah Remini, The King of Queens
5) Mary-Louise Parker, Weeds

Alternates:
6) Felicity Huffman, Desperate Housewives
7) Marcia Cross, Desperate Housewives
8) Sarah Silverman, The Sarah Silverman Program

OUTSTANDING LEAD ACTOR IN A COMEDY SERIES
1) Steve Carell, The Office
2) Alec Baldwin, 30 Rock
3) Tony Shaloub, Monk
4) James Roday, Psych
5) Kevin James, The King of Queens

Alternates:
6) Charlie Sheen, Two and a Half Men
7) Zach Braff, Scrubs
8) Jason Lee, My Name Is Earl

OUTSTANDING SUPPORTING ACTRESS IN A COMEDY SERIES
1) Elizabeth Perkins, Weeds
2) Jaime Pressly, My Name Is Earl
3) Jenna Fischer, The Office
4) Vanessa Williams, Ugly Betty
5) Conchata Ferrell, Two and a Half Men

Alternates:
6) Holland Taylor, Two and a Half Men
7) Jane Krakowski, 30 Rock
8) Ashley Jensen, Extras

OUTSTANDING SUPPORTING ACTOR IN A DRAMA SERIES
1) Jeremy Piven, Entourage
2) Rainn Wilson, The Office
3) John Krasinski, The Office
4) Neil Patrick Harris, How I Met Your Mother
5) Jon Cryer, Two and a Half Men

Alternates:
6) Jack McBrayer, 30 Rock
7) Justin Kirk, Weeds
8) Ethan Suplee, My Name Is Earl

OUTSTANDING DRAMA SERIES
1) The Sopranos (HBO)
2) Grey's Anatomy (ABC)
3) House, M.D. (FOX)
4) Friday Night Lights (NBC)
5) Heroes (NBC)

Alternates:
6) 24 (FOX)
7) Lost (ABC)
8) Rome (HBO)

OUTSTANDING LEAD ACTRESS IN A DRAMA SERIES
1) Kyra Sedgwick, The Closer
2) Sally Field, Brothers & Sisters
3) Mariska Hargitay, Law & Order: Special Victims' Unit
4) Edie Falco, The Sopranos
5) Connie Britton, Friday Night Lights

Alternates:
6) Minnie Driver, The Riches
7) Polly Walker, Rome
8) Patricia Arquette, Medium

OUTSTANDING LEAD ACTOR IN A DRAMA SERIES
1) Hugh Laurie, House, M.D.
2) Kiefer Sutherland, 24
3) James Gandolfini, The Sopranos
4) Michael C. Hall, Dexter
5) Kyle Chandler, Friday Night Lights

Alternates:
6) Denis Leary, Rescue Me
7) James Spader, Boston Legal
8) Eddie Izzard, The Riches

OUTSTANDING SUPPORTING ACTRESS IN A DRAMA SERIES
1) Sandra Oh, Grey's Anatomy
2) Chandra Wilson, Grey's Anatomy
3) Rachel Griffiths, Brothers & Sisters
4) CCH Pounder, The Shield
5) Aida Turturro, The Sopranos

Alternates:
6) Katherine Heigl, Grey's Anatomy
7) Patricia Wettig, Brothers & Sisters
8) Lorraine Bracco, The Sopranos

OUTSTANDING SUPPORTING ACTOR IN A DRAMA SERIES
1) Masi Oka, Heroes
2) Michael Imperioli, The Sopranos
3) William Shatner, Boston Legal
4) T.R. Knight, Grey's Anatomy
5) Dave Annable, Brothers & Sisters

Alternates:
6) Gerald McRaney, Deadwood
7) Brian Cox, Deadwood
8) Matthew Rhys, Brothers & Sisters

Hm...watch me fail miserably!

Oh yeah, as for my scorecard...every correct prediction equals one point, while each alternate equals a fraction: first alternate = 3/4, second = 1/2, third = 1/4. (It's only because it's the Emmys.) Also, since they are prone to the occasional six-nominees category, in that case if the first alternate was correct, it counts as a whole point.

Can't wait to find out....

Away from You.

I apologize for being in absentia lately. I've had major computer debacles, not to mention numerous frustrations. But it's given me time to see a number of great films, not 2007 mind you, in addition to finding new topics to blog about. So rest assured, I'll be back to babble in no time!

P.S. I am LOVING this new "autosave" feature. It's fantastic! Because believe me, I've lost enough good posts in the past.

A Star Is Booted.

On the second-to-last night of competition, one singer dazzled, one rejuvinated themselves, and one disappointed.If any episode confirmed it, this season is dastardly banal compared to last year's Top 3. Then again, last year contained the spectacle of Katharine McPhee's "Somewhere Over The Rainbow", Elliott Yamin's crooning groove/swan song, and Taylor Hicks's all-around spastic splendor. How could anything compare? Well, one came close....

(Note: The first song is an individual judges' choice, specifically indicated for each in the second paragraph. The second is the prodcuers' pick. And the third is a personal selection, possibly previously sang.)

Jordin Sparks:
01a. "Wish Upon A Star" - B
01b. "She Works Hard For The Money" - C-
01c. "I Who Have Nothing" - A-
Blake Lewis:
02a. "Roxanne" - C
02b. "This Love" - A
02c. "When I Get You Alone" - B+
Melinda Doolittle:
03a. "I Believe In You And Me" - A+
03b. "Nutbush, City Limits" - A-
03c. "I'm A W.O.M.A.N." - B+


Jordin seemed to disappoint with her first song, at least in the eyes of Simon Cowell. Ironically, the cranky wanker chose it for her. I actually felt it was a fun, amiable effort, though I do agree with him that "the original version was fine the way it was". The same, however, can't be said for her second performance, a tawdry bore. How the judges enjoyed it I'll never understand. And even though I was annoyed she repeated an earlier performance for her personal choice, the third song was easily her best. Meanwhile, Blake had a rough start, thanks to the abysmal song selections of Paula Abdul. But he bounced back with his spectacular second performance, easily one of his overall best of the night. And for his personal choice, he delivered another solid rendition. But neither came close to the brilliance of Melinda, who had tonight in the palm of her hand. Given a WHITNEY HOUSTON SONG by Randy Jackson (hehe, Johnson), I was on edge from the moment she stepped on stage. She had the biggest challenge--and the best result. She nailed it 100% and made it the best performance of the night. She followed-up with a fun producers' choice (even though the redundant lyrics were hardly worth making a fuss over), which she also hit out of the park. And even though her third song was also a repeat cop-out, but still terrific, she solidified herself as the indubitable best of this entire season.


Shockingly thought, that didn't matter. I don't know whether I should blame complacency (regarding Melinda's assumed "frontrunner status" and people assuming everyone's already voting for her, so let's vote for the other person we want to see in the finale) or voter dementia (i.e. take a plunge off the Verrazano Narrows Bridge, a la Saturday Night Fever). Either way, this was her swan song. But hey, it's better to go out with a bang than a whimper, and she left like a nuclear explosion of godliness. What I love most about her though is how well she accepted her fate when Ryan Seacrest announced those dreaded words. Because I think we all know this won't be the real end of her journey. It's just beginning. This is the dugout. I do wish she had chosen from a number of more standout performances, or in the past-weeks brought more of an A-game to the stage. It would've been a knockout closing number, had she sang "Home, "I Got Rhythm", "Trouble Is A Woman", "My Funny Valentine", "Since You've Been Gone", or even "For Once In My Life", the audition song that landed her on the show in the first place. Or maybe this would've all worked out better, had Jordin been turned away at Seattle (in addition to Los Angeles) and the deserving Sabrina Sloan or even fucking alienoid Antonella Barba being the 6th girl (thus allowing the underappreciated Stephanie Edwards to be part of the Top 10 AI Tour). But alas, she's probably better off anyway without the shackles-of-restraint from the naziducers. She's going to go places, just wait. Perhaps she'll win an Oscar for acting (AND SINGING) as Tina Turner/Aretha Franklin and/or composing an original song. Or, of course, the more likely scenario would be her winning a Grammy with an enrapturing modern jazz number--who knows? Either way: LONG LIVE MINDY-DOO!

Saturday Night Plague.

I don't know who decided to choose Boogie Night as the follow-up to Rock Week, but they should be fired. The night was, for the most part, utterly atrocious. Barry Gibb of The Bee Gees appeared to mentor, looking like Jesus and speaking like Sean Connery on Valium. American Idol will also never be the same following his see-through-shirt performance. Then again, at least he erased the memories of the night before. Still, I wish they had reserved his booking for earlier in the season. Perhaps if they had him on Tony Bennett week instead, it would've created a more enjoyable outcome.


Before I get to the performances, let me just say I've had it with those pretentious pre-taped performances...because combined, they all have less talent than any Top 12 Idol. Pink was this week's and her backup singers outshined her, proving that they deserve more credit. Hell, a former backup singer is the best thing about Season 6 (that's you, Mindy-Doo). Fergie was another, and I can't even discuss that. Robin Thicke was okay, but they need to quit attempting to pass them off as guest stars. It's a joke. It'd be better if they brought Elvis back from the dead again. But I digress. Now, onto the grades:

01a. Melinda Doolittle: "Love You Inside And Out" - B+
01b. Melinda Doolittle: "How Can You Mend A Broken Heart?" - A+
02a. Blake Lewis: "You Should Be Dancing" - D
02b. Blake Lewis: "This Is Where I Came In" - C-
03a. LaKisha Jones: "Stayin' Alive" - D+
03b. LaKisha Jones: "Run To Me" - C+
04a. Jordin Sparks: "To Love Somebody" - A
04b. Jordin Sparks: "A Woman In Love" - B-


Melinda and Jordin were both outstanding and pretty good, at separate times. Melinda, though, gave the BEST performance of the night. It was practically a moment. She blew me away with her second tune and exhumed so many passionate emotions, she was able to remind everyone why she is golden. She was simply sensational and I felt a reconnect with voters. Jordin's first performance was close competition though, and with good reason. She finally displayed some subtlety in a soothing ballad, which she did expertly. Melinda's second song choice was slightly catchy, but admittedly a little underwhelming. Still, there was no denying she did it well. I just hope next week, she doubles on her second performance and stops the show. Meanwhile, Jordin's second ballad was utterly depressing and ventured over-the-top once again. She shouted the boring lyrics with overripe intensity and gave us a screechy, pageanty rendition, which was easily forgettable. She needs to control that vibrato and discover the meaning of range. Oy vey.


As for the other two, they ranged from adequate to borderline-abysmal. I love both, so it's difficult for me. But it was a toss-up as to whom was less appealing. LaKisha's slightly dull ballad was perfectly suited to her talents, but she must've been drained from the first song. This second performance had a few pitch problems (and yes, it was dubbed "pitchy") and her voice cracked at least twice, but overall, I was still remembering it as one of the better of the lesser four offerings. Blake's second choice was probably more fun to watch than it was to hear, as you'd most likely skip to the next tune on your iPod. But his sexy, rhythmic dancing made it worthwhile. It wasn't anything to rave about, but it was indubitably better than the next two. LaKisha's first was fairly bland and uninteresting. I love the song, but it was easily forgettable. Even less appealing was Blake's first choice of song. He tried to beatbox a bit to spice it up, but for the most part, it failed. It was like putting Splenda in Diet Coke--just leaves you with more cravings afterwards. And when the results were in the following evening, Jordin was immediately declared safe. Then, to a monsterwave of applause, Melinda was deemed safe as well. I was ecstatic, because it felt like there was more pimpage than usual. So, down to Blake and LaKisha, it was clear who was heading home. LaKisha's time was up, but it was not in vain. She came a long way, longer than some predicted. And ultimately, I'm enthralled that she made it this far. She's made herself and her daughter proud. And no doubt will soon have something to show for it.

Mutual Adoration.

Once again, this week completely exceeded my expectations. Who'd've expected Rock Night to be the most entertaining night of American Idol this season? Hell, it even triumphed over Country Week, which was my favorite up until now. Bon Jovi made an incredible mentor too, so kudos to them for giving everyone (save one) the ability to rock out.


Now, the votes that rolled over for last week really should've been preserved for last week only. It would've been massively more accurate had each week stuck to its own votes. It was unfortunate, because two people that were really good tonight were sent packing, when they should've had the chance to move on to next week. But I digress. Here are the performances:

01. Phil Stacey: "Young Guns (Blaze Of Glory)" - B
02. Jordin Sparks: "Living On A Prayer" - F
03. LaKisha Jones: "LoveSong" - A
04. Blake Lewis: "Bad Name (Shot Through The Heart)" - A
05. Chris Richardson: "Wanted: Dead Or Alive" - A-
06. Melinda Doolittle: "Have A Nice Day" - B+


After a tumultuous previous two weeks, LaKisha struck back with a golden performance. Her rendition was soulful, yet never compromised the original song. And the diva herself was much more personable than usual. She has been smiling more and loosening up lately, and it's great to see. I think ever since Sanjaya left, she's felt content with the remaining contestants, because she was surrounded by actual talent. And after her performance, Simon said "LaKisha, I could kiss you right now," to which she responded with a "Well, come on!" hand gesture. And so they did. It was awesome. And that saved her, without a doubt.


But lest we not forget about the marvelous Blake, who returned to his beatboxing roots with magnificent effect. It was easily the most stunning performance of the night, and perhaps one of the most unique the show has ever witnessed. He was also sporting a darker look, which coincided perfectly with the moods of the songs and the night in general. Also aces was Chris, who outdid Daughtry's version last year with ease. The best part was how you could almost completely forget that he is a nasally singer by nature and appreciate the commendable job he did. Kudos to Cake tonight, for they were on FIRE!


I have to admit, I WAS worried about Melinda, and have been lately. I feel like the shift in frontrunner status, albeit unfairly, to Jordin has made people feel complacent about Melinda and therefore, vote less passionately. And so I was nervous as to whether or not she could pull this off tonight...but she did. She was wonderful. She can literally do anything. Somehow, someway, it worked and she "rocked on" (she even did the hand gesture, which was adorably hilarious). It wasn't my favorite of hers or of the night, but she was still amazing. Phil was terrific as well. I can see him being a rock star, too. He opened the show with a superb and electrifying performance that, even if it was simple and faithful, was still a commendable effort.


The only real suckage tonight was Jordin, who was completely out of her element and gave the biggest bomb since the time of Sanjaya. The lights were distracting, her hair looked as if a Brillo Pad were devouring her melon of a head, and the vocals were screechy and horrifying. Thankfully, Simon abhorred it as well, reminding devotees that she lacks versatility. Sadly though, this awful performance, which may have given her the boot earlier in the competition, suffered the fate of others being average and the fucking rollover votes. Ryan split them into two groups of three, the perfect way to oust them, with one victim in each. Thankfully, Melinda was declared safe to much more applause than last time. That left LaKisha and Phil standing together, at which point Phil was inevitably booted. Even VFTW couldn't keep him on. But he had a great run and I am thrilled he made it this far, because he's grown on me (while Jordin has grown on my nerves). After she was also safe, it was down to Blis (the other way to say Cake). Let met tell you know--it was adorable. They hugged each other, but not the man-pat-on-the-back, no-hip-contact hug. They hugged. Then, at the end of the show, they were brought out to the stage, where Ryan inquired about their well-publicized friendship. They both replied "We're best friends" and received unanimous "Awwwww"s from the audience. Chris said "And I'd go home for him." Cue more "Aw"s. Blake concurred, then turned to the camera and said "Why do you gotta do this, America? Huh? Why must you do this?" Yet more "Aws". But then Blake said "But it's okay, we're going on tour together this summer." Then, Chris leaned in and they hugged once more. Massive "Aws". And when the results were announced, it was...naturally...Chris, who was leaving AI. There were cheers of sorrow and joy, for they know Blis will remain a powerful force and they were proud both made it as far as they have. And for that matter, so was I. Then, they embraced once more, and there were faint, tearful clips of "I love you, man," as Chris sang his swan song. It was an emotional night for all. But at least we know that Cake will forever live on in Blis.

With A Donation In My Heart.

American Idol decided to do something monumental this year, in an effort to both help impoverished nations (African slums and our own backwoods) have more food and medicine and garner behemoth ratings. It's called Idol Gives Back. A bevy of celebrities donated cash and made useless guest appearances, because big stars always tug at even the most stoic and close-minded denizens' heartstrings. But all in all, it wasn't a complete borefest. There were even some delightful moments for you fellow Oscarnerds.


Ryan Seacrest and Ellen DeGeneres simultaneously hosted events at two separate locations. Ryan was, naturally, with the contestants, while Ellen was over at The Disney Music Hall, where many performers were singing live. Numerous celebrities paid a visit, including my second favorite moment of the night: the "Stayin' Alive" dance-off. Recent Oscar winners and nominees were there, including Helen Mirren, Forest Whitaker, and Keira Knightley (because Brits have bigger hearts). Speaking of Brits, Hugh Laurie was probably contractually obligated by FOX to appear, but I was ecstatic to see his face. Ah, but I'm running off on a tangent here. What about the performances of the contestants themselves?

01. Chris Richardson: "Change The World" - A
02. Melinda Doolittle: "There Will Come A Day" - A
03. Blake Lewis: "Imagine" - B+
04. LaKisha Jones: "I Believe" - C-
05. Phil Stacey: "The Change" - C
06. Jordin Sparks: "You'll Never Walk Alone" - B


So the theme for tonight was "Songs of Inspiration". And I started out impressed. After being criticized for his nasal harmonies last week, he received a boost of confidence from the judges this time around. I was thrilled, because he deserved it. He started out the show magnificently and proved that even with his nasally tone, he can masterfully work a song and make us believe it. And Melinda, who was unfairly given the second spot (not to mention how Chris should've gotten the "Pimp Spot"), delivered a moving and brilliant rendition to more praise. Simon Cowell is extremely devoted to Melinda, and I hope that's a positive thing. It seemed like the night might've been a success--even with Blake's slightly lacsadaisical performance, which I still liked anyway. He had a difficult song to pull off, since it is John Lennon's classic, and there wasn't much innovation he could really infuse. But still, he was commendable for keeping with the spirit of the original.


Meanwhile, the Pimp Spot was reserved for their stock "let's put a spin in this competition and give it some juice" performer, Jordin. Now, I really like her. She's got a great personality and is not cocky or full of herself in any way. She knows she has juggernaut vocals and utilizes them to full effect. However, I hate how AI tries to spice up the competition around this time each year. And I'm sorry, but Jordin nearly butchered her song. She commenced too strongly, with vocals too intense for the lyrics she had. She "shouted" MORE than LaKisha ever had. She lacked any subtlety whatsoever. And to top it all off, she ended with a completely over-the-top crescendo that was utterly inappropriate for her tune. All in all, points for the power, deductions for the ear-aching delivery. Randy Jackson actually noted that this was one of the best vocals ever on AI. Hey, news flash. You were in Journey. Give me a break.


However, she was still a couple notches above Phil and LaKisha. Phil was decent, but easily overshadowed this week. And I agree with Paula Abdul, that the lack of country twang in his voice was slightly detrimental to the song. But it was still okay. He didn't get harsh criticisms, just average feedback. I'd say that LaKisha took the worst beating of the night. This is the second consecutive week where she has used a previous Idol winner's single as her song choice (Carrie Underwood and Fantasia Barrino, respectively). Yes, she has amazing vocals. Yes, she did "shout" the lyrics. Yes, overall, it wasn't tremendously impressive. Frankly, I am on Melinda's page regarding the competition though--I want them all to win!


But apparently, someone HAD to go this week...or did they? It was Charity Week, after all. Could they really be so cruel? Cruel enough to put us through two hours before we got to the final results, that's for sure. Immediately during the second half-hour of the first hour, Ryan announces that Melinda is safe. Shortly towards the end of this particular hour, Ryan lets Blake know he's safe too. A little while after that, Phil gets some comfort in knowing he's safe. Soon following was relief to LaKisha's ears, in knowing she's safe. Then, we come to the final ten minutes. Chris and Jordin stand up. Chris has a microphone in his hand. I'm worried. Ryan says "Chris,...you are safe." A huge sigh of relief trickles through my body. The audience seems concurrently happy and confused. Then, Ryan says "Jordin,...you are also safe. We can't kick anyone off on CHARITY WEEK!" A massive wave of cheers and applause engulfs the theater. I am appalled, yet thrilled. Although next week, TWO contestants will be eliminated, when the votes from this week rollover into next. I found that part a little disgusting. Couldn't they just have said "We used you to garner money for Idol Gives Back"?! Thank you, American Cocktease.

Idol Hands.

Wow. I can't believe it. The week I've been dreading is most is officially the best week of the Top 12 so far. Yeah, that's right. Country Week on American Idol was AMAZING. It seems almost blasphemous to type such a statement, but lo and behold, this night featured some fantastic performances (and one dud to outdo all duds).


Martina McBride was the mentor for this night and a great one at that. I think she really helped most of the contestants find their country voice, even if some didn't take her advice fully at heart. Still, she elicited what she could and did a terrific job. She was without a doubt a breath of fresh air after last week's deplorable work and less-than-inspiring coaching. Martina also rocked her performance...but who really cares about anyone but the Idols. Here is the order of performances, in addition to the songs each contestant sang:

01. Phil Stacey: "Where The Blacktop Ends" - A
02. Jordin Sparks: "Broken Wing" - A+
03. Sanjaya Malakar: "Something To Talk About" - D-
04. LaKisha Jones: "Jesus, Take The Wheel" - C
05. Chris Richardson: "Mayberry" - C+
06. Melinda Doolittle: "Trouble Is A Woman" - A+
07. Blake Lewis: "(When The Stars Go) Blue" - B


And now, to the performances! Two of my favorite contestants, Melinda and Jordin, blew me away with outstanding renditions tonight. Jordin worries me, because she might actually win over my dominant favorite, Melinda, BUT this was easily her best performance and one of the best of this entire season. She really made the mentor herself proud. Then again, Melinda was extraordinary! I am in awe at how awesome she was tonight. It seems funny, but she was actually the sexiest and most energetic performance of the entire night. Congratulations to you, Mindy-Doo, proving you can do almost anything.


I am also really happy that Phil had a chance to shine. Though at times he was a little stiff, he is clearly a country singer. He was magnificent tonight and belonged to the better half of the night's vocals. Great work from this man. And even more amazing, he managed to crack the TOP 3 as opposed to the Bottom 3. Good work, Philabusters!


As for the others, they were all decent (well, 3/4 of them anyway). Blake was adorable, even though his performance was nothing to rave about. It was solid, but one would hope for a little more energy I suppose. He was the line by which I can separate the commendable and the lamentable. Well, perhaps that's a bit too strong for Chris. His rendition was underwhelming, but still adequate nonetheless. He took a heap of criticism tonight though, and seemed on the verge of tears. I wish I was there to hug him. Meanwhile, LaKisha received even harsher comments, but with some justification. It was an average perfomance, one in which you knew her vocal abilities but failed to connect with her due to her "shouting".


The dud, however, clearly came from Sanjaya, who was indubitably the worst of the night. There is absolutely no way to argue against it this time. This molotov cocktail of a performance was a more excrutiating karaoke rendition than Cameron Diaz in My Best Friend's Wedding. And don't even get me started on the horrendous maid-from-the-slums look he was sporting tonight. (Randy Jackson actually called him intelligent...gag.) But I thank him for sucking with such intensity last night. He inspired me to vote for Every. Single. Contestant. BUT. HIM. And whaddya know...?


Before the results came, there was a brief public conference to illuminate the true motivation for Simon Cowell's eye-rolling at Chris's shout-out to the Virginia Tech victims (he's a VA native). I assumed Simon was scoffing at what he felt was a blatant attempt for pity votes. But it turns out Paula Abdul was trying to defend Chris's nasal-singing, which Simon had chastised, and just had an apparently ill-timed bitch moment. That soon segued into the results, where they were split into two groups of three (Phil, Jordin, Chris & Blake, LaKisha, Sanjaya). Melinda was asked to choose which group she belonged to (which was the Top, naturally), but she wisely refused and sat down in the dead center of the stage. She also received applause for doing so. That left Ryan Seacrest to do his own job, so he sent Melinda, Jordin, Chris, and Phil back to their seats and rightly so, leaving audiences shocked that Blake was actually in the Bottom. (That will certainly rally fans.) Fortunately, he was the top of the bottom (again, sexy images), leaving it between LaKisha and Sanjaya. As I stared at the screen, I wondered "Could the moment we've all been waiting for FINALLY have arrived?!" I naturally was nervously anticipating a LaKisha-ejection shocker, but alas...she was safe. SANJAYA IS GONE! And NOW I finally feel empathy for him. But it was his time. Even the VFTW and Fanjayas had to admit he was the worst and he had to go. And so it was, the end of an era that will forever live on in infamy.

A.I.: Artifical Idolatry.

So tonight was Latin Night on American Idol and there's no nicer way to express my feelings than: What. A. Disappointment. It didn't quite reach disatrous levels, but it was underwhelming to the umpteenth power. Jennifer Lopez was the guest coach and, while boisterous and fun, couldn't really suppress the fact that Latin music is more showy performance than vocal challenge. She was able to bring out as much as she could, but the judges were on the mark calling the performances karaoke-style.


Nevertheless, there were a couple bright spots and some unfairly criticized fares. And now, I present...My Thoughts:

01. Melinda Doolittle: B+
02. LaKisha Jones: B
03. Chris Richardson: A-
04. Haley Scarnato: C-
05. Phil Stacey: C+
06. Jordin Sparks: B-
07. Blake Lewis: A
08. Sanjaya Malakar: C-


Cake was on fire tonight. Blake clearly scored the best performer of the night with his outstanding rendition of "I Need To Know". (It certainly didn't hurt that he utilized the breakout song from J.Lo's hubby, Marc Antony.) Chris was also terrific with "Smooth"--despite the judges' overly harsh feedback. Sadly, he was in the Bottom 3, but luckily for him, he was the top of the bottom (an incredibly sexy image has just been conjured).


The triple-threat of divas were decent, though lacking the same passion that made them the extraordinairres of last week. Melinda was much better than she was given credit for with "Sway". (She received her first Simon criticism!) I'm admittedly a bit worried for her in Country Week next week, but I anticipate her nonetheless. LaKisha was entertaining with "Conga" and Jordin fun with "Rhythm Is Gonna Get You", but neither were anything to write home about.


Phil takes a lot of slack from people, but he's actually much better than given credit for. The only problem is he fails to challenge himself. His "Maria, Maria" was decent, but I hope he ventures outside of the box next week. It was inevitable he'd be in the Bottom 3 this week, naturally. As for the actual worsts of the night, it's a tie between Haley's Tin Pan Alley diet-salsa "Turn The Beat Around" performance and Sanjaya's gut-wrenching "Besame Mucho" camera-fucking. Since he showed that he doesn't suck as much as usual (yet still manages to hit sour notes more often than allowed), he was bound to be safe, leaving Haley to round out the Bottom 3.


Poor Phil and Haley have both had their share of experiences with the Bottom-spots much too often and only 5 weeks into the Top 12. Thankfully, Phil was spared to grow a bit more as a singer, leaving Daisy Dukes Junior packing. But I admire her, strangely. Can I explain it?...I think so.


Haley's proved to be a resilient performer, managing to remain dignified despite the onslaught of whorebashing from the judges. She has a good personality and is clearly well-liked among the contestants. She was noticably upset when Gina received the boot last week (seeing as how they were close friends on the show, and I'm sure they both felt Sanjaya deserved to go first) and probably wished she had gone instead. So when this week came around, she knew her time was short.


It's a good thing she took it all in stride though. She might've fared somewhat well on Country Week, but then who would go instead? It's too horrifying to ruminate about. One can only hope HE goes. In the meantime though, Haley should be proud of making it this far (even though Stephanie Edwards may have deserved a Top 10/Tour-spot over her). But at least she made friends--who even got invited to her wedding! (Those three would be Gina Glocksen, Jordin, and Melinda--I'm guessing LaKisha looked down upon her.) So au revoir. And on to next week.